messier object

why are the good people dying?

Seriously, this poster is about a thousand times better than the new ones.

So.  They’re remaking The Crazies, Romero’s fourth movie (after his ill-advised dive into romantic comedy).  And as if the “of the Dead” remakes weren’t meh enough – cool opening credits sequences don’t really make up for a mediocre execution – this one looks to be just as middle-of-the-road.  While it’s always nice to see Timothy Olyphant getting work as a sheriff, the concept and apparent execution this time seem to lack some of the wild-eyed paranoia of the original.  That one had a sort of predecessor to the plague-zombies of late – intelligent humans bent on murder by a virus in the water supply, with a possibility of worldwide contamination – while the new one seems, from the viral marketing, to be more along the lines of the X-Files episodes “Red Museum” or “Blood” – evil chemicals make the good people want to kill.  Not that it’s ever a bad time for a Bhopal-referencing horror movie about the terrors of environmental degradation, but… why this one?

When I saw the first trailer, I have to say I was a lot more excited than I am now.  It was, according to Wikipedia, going to be set in Georgia, and when I saw these clips in the trailer it was hard not to think of New Orleans.  We haven’t really had a good Katrina-related horror movie yet, or even a good Southern horror movie that didn’t rely on the Civil War in quite some time.  Sure, there’s Left 4 Dead 2. (‘though I’ve still gotta play that, and, yes, I’m going to extend it to being Katrina-related even if the government is generally competent and not paranoia-inducing just because of where it’s set.  You’ve got to make due with what you get.)  But I thought the ’70s Vietnam-derived paranoia that runs rampant through the original – two of the main band we follow are veterans, and, I mean, it’s a movie about the U.S. Army wiping out a village while under threat from a runaway biological weapon – were going to make a really great match for a Katrina-based horror film.

See what I meant?

Great, then, was my dismay when I put together the slogan on the sign up there and on the header of this viral page meant it was going to be set in rural Iowa.  I mean, yeah, tranquil small-town Americana is a classic horror-within! setting and, sure, pollution impacts us everywhere.  But couldn’t they have just saved that for the eventual remake of Frogs?


hey, look, it’s aelita
2009, December 19, 5:55 pm
Filed under: science fiction | Tags: , , , ,

Hey, everybody, look! It’s Aelita! (The Queen of Mars!)

Wait, it’s not?  But they look so much alike!  Odd.  So far, pretty much every illustration of women in pre- and post-Stalinist SF illustration keeps that same hyperdramatic Weimar cinema look, but I have no idea why.  Yet.

am i high, 1940s?

Membership [in Mister Mind’s Monster Society of Evil]:

  • Mr. Mind
  • Archibald, a satyr
  • An army of termites and worms
  • Artificial bodies Mr. Mind could mentally inhabit, consisting of:
    • A Goat-Man, half-man, half-goat
    • A robot, seemingly indestructible
    • An octopus with a human face, constantly grinning
    • A circus strongman, with strength rivalling that of Captain Marvel himself
  • Bonzo, fanged hunchback with large eyes
  • Captain Nazi, superstrong Aryan warrior
  • Crocodile-Men, a race of humanoids from the planetoid Punkus
  • Dobbin, Mr. Mind’s seahorse steed
  • Dome attendants who tend to Mr. Mind’s undersea base, consisting of:
    • A pig-man
    • A goblin
    • A werewolf
    • An ogre
    • A midget submarine captain, the last of Mr. Mind’s minions to leave him
  • Dr. Smashi, short Japanese scientist and one of Mr. Mind’s three lieutenants
  • Dr. Hashi, spiky-haired Japanese scientist
  • Dr. Peeyu, tall Japanese scientist
  • Dr. Sivana, the “world’s wickedest scientist”
  • Evil Eye, monster with the ability to hypnotize
  • Herkimer, Crocodile-Man and Mr. Mind’s second-in-command
  • Herr Phoul, bald Nazi scientist with a monocle and one of Mr. Mind’s three lieutenants
  • Adolf Hitler and all the resources of Nazi Germany
  • Hydra, head-regenerating monster created by Mr. Mind
  • IBAC, criminal who sold his soul for superstrength and durability
  • Jeepers, last of a race of bat-monsters
  • Jorrk, greatest scientist of the Crocodile-Men and one of Mr. Mind’s three lieutenants
  • Marmaduke, criminal with big ears and a fat face
  • Monster Brigade, undersea monsters under Mr. Mind’s command, consisting of:
    • A sperm whale
    • A giant octopus
    • A hammerhead shark
    • A huge sea-serpent
  • Monster Professors, teachers at Mr. Mind’s Monster School, consisting of:
    • A human,
    • A Crocodile-Man,
    • A fanged monster,
    • A humanoid with the head of a hippopotamus
  • Monster Students, pupils at the Monster School, consisting of:
    • Human tough guys
    • Crocodile-Men
    • A black, horned demon
  • Mr. Banjo, criminal and leaker of secrets via coded music from his banjo, played on a popular radio show
  • Benito Mussolini and all the resources of Fascist Italy
  • Nippo, master swordsman and spy for the Japanese
  • Sylvester, Crocodile-Man and one of Mr. Mind’s preferred gunners
  • Synthetic animals created by Mr. Mind, consisting of:
    • Oscar, a giant lobster
    • Oliver, a giant octopus with human hands
    • Ophelius, a huge ram
    • Oliphant, a dragon
  • Hideki Tojo and all the resources of Imperial Japan
  • Tough guys, generic human enforcers of Mr. Mind’s wishes, notable ones include:
    • A tommy-gun wielder
    • A cloaked swordsman
    • A beret-wearer
    • A stereotypical “Goomba”
    • A Gatsby cap-wearer

Keep in mind, of course, that Mister Mind is a two-inch-tall caterpillar.

liveblogging “hitler’s stealth fighter”

10:04: Well, that ending was terrible.  Seriously, a Nazi stealth bomber? Even my dad thought that was bullshit.

9:50: ads ads ads ads ads ads ads ads iphone ad

9:48: Has anybody talked up the “legend of the Nazi stealth fighter” before this program? I know I’d never heard of it before.

9:47: I wonder if there are different plans for riggin’ a plane for a radar test range and for hanging in a museum?

9:45: The premise of this program is revealed – “I wonder if it really is stealthy.  I mean, it looks stealthy to me.”

9:44: Oh, c’mon, it’s not like out-dogfighting a Me-262 is tough.  Things could fly fast in a straight line, but they couldn’t turn for shit.

9:42: Shit, the Germans are expecting a NUKE

9:41: They keep saying “generations ahead” but I mean the YB-49 only flew in ’47 and the 229 flew for the first time in December ’44.

9:39: Damn, there are a lot of ads on this.  Maybe Fringe and Kings are spoiling me.

9:33: I’m still here, it’s just hard to say anything about the rush to form a plexiglass cockpit.

9:29: Coatings.  Boo-urns.

9:21: Okay, seriously? 2500 dollars a gallon and that’s easier than a little aluminum pipe?

9:18: I realize there’s a whole history of modeling radar reflection but seriously is it tougher to paint it accurately than it is to fabricate a bit of aluminum piping?  Oh, they’re doing it in three months.

9:17: Plus are we supposed to believe the head of the Luftwaffe had never heard of the preeminent glider designers in all Germany?  And I was under the impression the 229 was designed to be a fighter-bomber, and that the Hortens didn’t claim it could be an interceptor?

9:16: “The Horten 229 was generations ahead of the rest of the world.”  Therefore, it was obviously made for revenge.


jeff nagle
stop touching it you dicks

allegra black
eh, at least it’s nat geo and not discovery people
discovery people are assholes

9:05: And it’s right there next to the Mosquito, huh.  But where are the Garber peeps? And why do they keep touching it?

9:04:  Hahahahahahaha, a “secure government facility.”  Thanks for the vote of confidence, guys, but you forgot to mention it’s stored next to a mash tank and the expanded human nervous system.  And then the shot of the cyclone wire, geez.

9:03: Norman Leach’s a Canadian military historian? We’re trusting a Canadian specialist to tell us about German aerospace-science relations?